Ella & Max On Santa

Literally, on Santa, i.e. their Christmas requests while on the big guy's lap.

Ella: Oh Santa, surprise me!

Max: I want cars, big cars, lots of big cars!

(told you they were opposites, it is really quite comical at times)

Guest Post: Max on Growing Up

Max: Mama, when I grow up I am going to get rid of my blankie. And stop sucking my thumb. And I am going to marry you. Oh, and I am going to get a BIG truck!

Ella on Birds

Ella: Mama, did you know there are two types of birds that can hover?

Me: A hummingbird....and...um....uh.

Ella: And a fisherking, or maybe its a kingfisher.

Ella on Santa

Ella to Santa upon his request for her list: Surprise me!

Ella on Modern Times

Ella: I prefer good old old-fashioned letters, like hand written ones.

Me: Why?

Her: Because you don't have to download them.

Ella on Vampire Bats

Ella: "Mama did you know that vampire bats don't actually suck blood? They just lap it up with their tongues."

Guest Post: Max on Charming the Ladies

The other morning Max wandered into our bedroom bleary eyed. I greeted him as I always do. "Good morning, buddy!"

He responded, "Good morning, babycakes!"

Ella on Career Changes

Ella: "Mama, don't you kind of miss Jana?"

Me: "Yes, of course, Ella. Very much."

Her: "I miss her too mama. A lot. But sometimes you just have to move on."

May 27, 2010: Ella on Camping

We are preparing to go on a three day camping trip. CAPITAL C CAMPING - like in a tent, in the wilderness, no running water Camping. I have never been Camping. I have been camping (note the lower case - because it involved running water and something called a tent cabin, hard floor/tent walls). Even I know that wasn't Camping.

Anyway, I have been preparing for it for what seems like forever. Kind of silly that the prep and packing is taking longer than the actual trip will, but I digress.

Today on the way home from school.

Me: I am really going to miss my shower.

Ella: Mama, do not worry. You will just smell like a wild animal. The other wild animals won't even be able to smell you so you will be safe.

Ella: Mama, do you know what to do if a bear approaches you?

None of this is making me feel better!

May 13, 2010: Ella on Sarcasm

One evening we had our friends over for dinner for good times and to celebrate KK’s husband, Andy’s, birthday. When it came time to cut the cupcakes (so to speak) Ella and the grown-ups gathered around and “Auntie” KK offered up a toast to Andy....

KK: I would like to propose a toast to my wonderful husband of 12 years. I never dreamed that I would meet a sweeter, more thoughtful, more wonderful and amazing person….

Ella: (interrupting and in a serious tone and serious face) KK, are you being sarcastic??

KK: No!! I’m being serious!

This was immediately followed by everyone bursting into uncontrollable laughter.

May 12, 2010: Ella on Child Discipline

Ella: Mama what EXACTLY do you mean when you say you brought me into this world and you can take me out?

Me: It means I gave you life and I can take it away.

Her: But not really, right?

Me: No, not really.

Her: Because 1) you would really miss me and 2) you would get arrested and go to jail.

Me: Yep.

May 10, 2010: Quiz of the Day - Humans and Giraffes

Ella: Mama, what do humans and giraffes have in common?

Me: We have necks?

Her: Ugh, Mama, most animals have necks! Humans and giraffes have the same number of bones in their necks. 7.

May 6, 2010: Quiz of the Day - Dolphins & Cows

Ella: Mama, I have a quiz for you. What do dolphins and cows have in common OTHER than their babies are called calves?

Me: Um, they are both big.

Her: Well, that is true mama, but no. They both have two stomachs. 1 is for digestion and 1 is for, well, something else.

May 5, 2010: Ella on Appropriate Clothing

Ella: Mama are these booty shorts?

Me: Ella, do I look like the kind of mother who would allow you to wear booty shorts?

Her: Um, no. And Mama, what are booty shorts anyway?

May 4, 2010: Ella on Farmer(s') Markets

As relayed to me by my friend, Diana.

At the end of last fall we went to a farmer's market in Occoquan. The pickings were pretty slim as it was so late in the season. Ella was telling Miss Diana all about it ...

Ella: Really they shouldn't have called it the Farmers' Market, they should just call it the Farmer Market!

May 3, 2010: Ella on the Human Body

Ella: Mama, how many bones are there in the human body? If I had to guess I'd say 150-160. What do you think?

Me: Let me google that for you.

206. Now you know.

April 30, 2010: Ella on Birthday Party Invites

Me: I sent our your party invitations, I just need to know if there are any girls in your class you want to invite.

Ella: Um, maybe Ramisa. She's my favorite girl.

Me: Just Ramisa. No one else? Really?

Her: No, the rest of the girls....well, mama, the rest of the girls are just too girlie! Do I look like pink is my favorite color?!?!?!

April 29, 2010: Ella on Prison Attire

Ella: Mama, why back in the old days did they make prisoners wear black and white? That is so weird. I think it is much better that they wear bright orange now. We can totally see them if they escape.

April 27, 2010: Ella on Family

Ella: My cousin, Alex, has great taste in french fries. He's really smart.

Not sure if great taste in french fries and intelligence are definitely linked, but I think she might be onto something.

Joke of the Day

What does a red crab say when they get stuck in the seaweed?













Kelp...Kelp....Kelp!

April 26, 2010: Ella on Wine

Ella: "Mama, what exactly do grapes have to do with wine anyway?"

Me: "You make wine from grapes."

Ella: "Oh, so they are really important then!!"

April 23, 2010: Ella on Vegas

For Shoshana Cohen....

Ella: Mama, what do you call people from Vegas?
Me: (thinking thinking thinking).
Her: Oh, I know. Vegans!

April 22, 2010: Ella on Nature

Ella: Usually people think that the girl is always the pretty one, but that is not always true. Especially in nature. In nature, sometimes the boys are pretty. Just look at cardinals. The girls are just brownish, the boys are bright red and pretty! Really pretty.

April 20, 2010: Ella on Child Naming and Sharing Ice Cream

Today was a wealth of quote worthy moments.

At kiss & ride: Mama, if I have a girl I will name her Debbie. (Debbie is her teacher's name. More importantly WHY is she thinking about having children so much!)

After dinner, during dessert:
Ella: If my friend didn’t have enough money for ice cream I would buy them one. But if I didn’t have enough money I would let them lick my ice cream. Well, if they were like family. You would make the list, mama. Because you are my mama. And Kala would make the list but she’d probably say “thanks but no thanks.”

Randomly:

Ella: You have to help me name a boy baby if I have a boy. But I don’t want any name that starts with M or ends with X. Do you get my idea mama? Do you understand?

April 13, 2010: Ella on Only Children

Ella: If I have a good first kid I won't have a second kid.
Me: why?
Her: because of what happened to you (looking pointedly at Max across the table.)

April 12, 2010: Ella on Running

Me: how was your pep(per) rally today?
Ella: we did the fun run.
Me: how was that?
Ella: the fun run is NOT fun.

Definitely my child!

April 11, 2010: Ella on School Spirit

Ella: Tomorrow I have to wear blue & white.
Me: why?
Her: it's my pepper rally!

April 1, 2010: Ella on Fashion

Nothing better than an early morning compliment from your 7 year old.

"Mama, I love your outfit!" (Jeans and a blue shirt fyi). lol.

She's too young to be playing an april fools joke right?

March 31. 2010: Ella on the Inequity of Being A Grownup

Ella: "Mama, I just don't understand why you don't get Spring break too!"

March 8, 2010: Ella on Hibernation

"Mama, bears don't really hibernate. They go through dormancy. This means they wake to eat and have babies. Snakes really hibernate." good to know.

March 5, 2010: On Non-Arachnids

Ella: "mama, what's your favorite 6 legged insect?"

March 3, 2010: Ella on Subtle Distinctions

Ella this morning: "Mama what's the difference between a mad scientist and an evil scientist?" We had fun with that one!

February 16, 2010: Ella on Interns

Ella: "What's an intern?" Me: (inside voice) "Should I include Monica Lewinsky in this explanation or no?" I can't help it, it just jumped into my mind.

Luckily she quickly changed directions and wants to know now "Why does water move 10x faster in water than on land?" Anyone? Is that even right?

February 11, 2010: Ella on Beer Brewing

Ella at dinner tonight completely out of the blue: Mama, did you know that beer is super sweet before they put the yeast in? The yeast eats the sugar.

January 29, 2010: Ella on How to Make Your Mama Feel Fantastic

Ella: Mama, no one is more special than you. Some people might be famous, but that doesn't make them more special than you.

(This might be my personal favorite to date)

June 10, 2009: Ella on Coming of Age

....(Or the one one she'll talk to her therapist about.)

Ok, so a few weeks ago out of the blue Ella says to me, "Mama I have a question." To which I say, "What's that Ella?"

She lifts up her shirt, points to her belly button and says as seriously as possible, "Is this my period?"

April 15, 2009: Ella on Scientific Equipment

Ella asks...
Mama you just need to tell me one thing. How is a telescope different from a microscope?

I am pretty sure this thought NEVER crossed my mind at 6, or 16, nor would it have by 36 if not for her.

November 13, 2008: Ella on Fall

At the bus stop one recent morning.

Ella: Mama, do you know what all those trees are?

Me: Losing their leaves.

Ella: No, not what they are doing. What kind of trees they are?

Me: (its early) pause.........

Ella: Deciduous. They are deciduous trees. They lose their leaves. They are the opposite of evergreens. Does that make evergreens indeciduous?

Me: ...stunned silence.

October 9, 2008: Ella on the Democratic Process

Ella: Mama, will you take me to go with you when you go to that place where you are going to decide who the next president is? (I think she thinks that I, personally, get to decide)

Me: Of course I will.

September 17, 2008: Ella on Geometry

Friday night we had guests over for a late dinner. Ella was up to greet them and then off to bed while we enjoyed grilled steaks and the works.

About 10 minutes into dinner I hear Ella coming back down the stairs and into the dining room.

Ella: "Mama, I forgot to tell you something. Do you know the word of the day?"

Me: "No."

Her: "Quadrilateral. Mama, do you know what that is?"

Me: "Of course I do."

Her: "Do you remember what a rhombus is?" (Its an equilateral quadrilateral, also known as a diamond)

Me: (searching my brain) "Of course. Similar to a square."

Her: "Mama, squares are so kindergarten."

Now, call me crazy but I am PRETTY certain I didn't learn about quadrilaterals and rhombuses (or is it rhombi) until oh I don't know GEOMETRY class. 1st grade, people. 1st grade.

September 2, 2008: Ella on 1st Grade

Today marks the first day of First Grade ... ever ... hopefully. Well, at least for Ella.

Her main concern: "I am a little afraid of 1st grade. I hope I do well."

Methinks is she's worried about doing well she'll do fine. She is SO my daughter.

Her chief complaint at the end of the day: "Mama, I am a little sad that today was so short. It went way too fast!"

Oh and regarding her teacher, "She's not too much fun, but she is nice."

Ella on Amos Lee

Sign that you have been listening to too much Amos Lee.

From the back seat of the car yesterday...

Ella: "Mama, luvahhh and brothuhhh rhyme!"

Me: "Yes they do."

Later while taking a shower:

Ella (singing to herself): "How could you be soooooooooo carelesssssss?"

At least I didn't let her listen to night train. I can see it now. Mama, what is cocaine?

July 15, 2008: Ella on Allergies

This morning on the way to summer camp.

Ella: Mama, why can't Steven (a kid in her kindergarten class) eat nuts?
Me: I think he must have a peanut allergy.
Her: He could have a rellergic attraction.
Me: You mean an allergic reaction.
Her: That's what I said.
Her: What if I was rellergic to peanut butter?
Me: You would starve (this is the girl who has had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich by choice every school and summer camp day since September of 07).
Her: No I wouldn't. I would just have a jelly sandwich.

Problem Solved.

July 1, 2008: Ella on Exercise

Me: "How was camp? What did you do today, Ella?"

Her: "We walked FOREVER like for at least 2 miles, Mom. I kept walking but I kept asking ARE WE THERE YET? And my leg hurt."

Me: "Where does it hurt?"

Her: "I don't know."

June 26, 2008: Ella on the Boss of Her

Ella made me so proud the other day. We were talking about the end of the school year and how I hadn't heard her mention one of her buddies very often toward the end of the year. She looked at me and said that they were not really such good friends anymore. Me, being curious (and not being a big fan of this buddy anyway) asked why.

She turned to me and said, "Mama, she thought she was the boss of me. She's not. I am the boss of me. Me, and you and daddy!"

May 21, 2008: Ella on Women in Office

In the midst of the election when Hillary Clinton was a frontrunner for the nomination.

Completely out of left field ...

Ella: "Mama, some day do you want me to be the 2nd woman president of the United States?"

Me: "Yes, Ella, I do!"

May 12, 2008: Ella on Privacy

Let's start by saying how much Max loves to open and close doors.

Overheard from the bathroom.

Ella: "Maaaaaaaaaaaama....Max is in my privacy!"

To do list: Teach Ella to lock the bathroom door.

April 27, 2008: Ella on Life after Death

We visited Ella's paternal grandfathers grave today. This led to questions. Questions including "Does Grampa love me even though he didn't meet me?" Of course he does. Next was "where do people go when they die?" to which we answered that no one really knows and that there are many different possibilities ... heaven for some, others believe their loved ones are all around us, others believe they will be reincarnated. She soaked all this in and asked, "Can grampa still hear me?" So, of course, I said yes.

Next, quietly from the backseat I hear, "Grampa, I love you. And ... Grampa ... why does it look like a soccer field here?"

April 17, 2008: Ella on Kissing Diseases

The girl has Mono. Really there is not much you can do about mono except lots of fluids, lots of rest and lots of waiting. The fever should be gone within a few days and then she can go back to school. As long as she's not smooching anyone or otherwise swapping spit, she is NOT contagious. Dr. G informed her that it is the "kissing disease" and we both want to know who she's been kissing!

Tonight before bed she came in to tell me good night and gave me a big hug and then gave me a mournful look before saying, "mama I am gonna miss kissing you!" As if we'll never smooch again.

March 15, 2008: Ella on the Magic Kingdom

Ella: "The Magic Kingdom is not so magical."

Right after puking at the main entrance to the park.

February 14, 2008: Ella on Love

Me: "What do you think is an example of love?"

Ella: "When Daddy gets lots of extra gas to put in your car."

Me: "How do you know that Mommy and Daddy love you?"

Ella: "Because you tell me to eat healfy (healthy) and to eat lots of protein and because you want me to have meat on my bones. "

pause....

Ella: "Mama, what's meat on my bones?"

December 7, 2007: Ella on Santa

She started out asking for a penguin and a wish box. What the heck is a wish box?, you ask. It is a box that you put your wishes in at night and in the morning they come true. She's a GENIUS. That's like asking the magic genie for 1000 more wishes. Where do you get a wish box you may ask. Well, according to Ella, "from Santa silly!"

But today she changed course. I told her the we would probably go tomorrow morning to visit Santa. Here is how our conversation went.

Ella: "Mama I don't need to go see Santa."

Me: "Well how will he know what you want?"

Ella: "Mama I'll take whatever that guy wants to give me!"

I am NOT making this up. She also gave me the chocolate out of her Advent calendar. I do not think she is a normal kid. I know she is a better person than I am!

Ella on Clean Up, Clean Up, Everybody Everywhere

One time, daddy told Ella to pick up her toys that were EVERYWHERE. She started to but then in a whiny voice said, "why won't you help me?" He, busy with other stuff, said, "Because you made the mess, and I am doing something right now." She said, "Then I am not doing it!" So he said, "Well, maybe you have too many toys then. If you don't care enough about your toys to put them away we will just have to bag them up and give them away to someone who would love to have them." To which she retorted, "I am telling my gramma!"

October 29, 2007: Ella on Halloween

Only my daughter, with no prompting from me, decided she wanted to be Cleopatra for halloween.

"Why?" I asked.

Ella, "Because she's the queen of Egypt, mom." (I could almost hear the "DUH!" she was thinking.

September 12, 2007: Ella on Starting Kindergarten

On Friday, upon being picked up from afterschool care.

Me: "So how was your day? Did you have a good first week of school?"

Ella: "Yes, mama, but its time to stop playing and do our work. We played too much this week!"

Ella on Randomness: Pre-K

Her questions are not, "why, mom? why why why?" they are more like "Mama, why does that tree have red leaves in the fall and the other trees leaves stay green?"

QUESTIONS I AM INCAPABLE of answering. Yesterday she says to me, "Mama, umbrellas were invented in India." I have no idea whether she's right or not (but I'd bet on her rather than against her) but the fact that she knows India exists blows my mind. She also said to the lady cutting her hair, "Hey, did you hear about the .... what's it called mama (mama kept silent since I had NO clue where she was going with it), that big storm, oh Hurricane, in Mexico. It was flooding and the rain was coming down sideways!" Yes, she occassionally sees snipets of the news. The real world, she even heard something about 14 soldiers dying in Iraq the other day and said "Oh mama, that is so sad about those soldiers." Maybe I should shield her but I'd rather talk to her about real life. So she's not totally sheltered and ill-equipped to deal with the real world.

April 9, 2007: Ella on Coffee

Something has gone terribly amiss!

This morning on my way to drop off the kiddos I was commenting to the girl about how tasty my coffee was. Giving my hubby props, I say "Daddy makes the best coffee!" She gasps and says "BETTER THAN STARBUCKS!?"

November 27, 2006: Ella on Christmas Decorations

Christmas ambition set in on Saturday with us going out to get a Christmas tree, putting up our decorations and decorating the tree in the evening. The little one was LOTS of help. Every ornament she pulled out got an "OH MY GOSHHHHHHHH THIS IS BEAUTIFUL"!

Last night hubby and I battled the garland with lights for the bannister.

"Mama, when is Christmas? Is today Christmas?"

Ella on Astronomy

As relayed by hubby.

The girl: "Daddy, what is a shooting star?"
Daddy: "Well, honey a shooting star is not really a star, it is a really hot piece of rock that is moving across the sky toward earth really fast."
The girl: "Oh, like a meteor?"

Upon relaying the story to me he says, "If I knew she knew what a meteor was I'd have explained it a little differently!" Better yet, he wouldn't have needed to explain it at all.

August 28, 2006: Ella on Astonishment & Her Unborn Sibling

There are somethings you want to remember and so blogging about them is the best way to make sure you will!

This morning, my lovely daughter who is only 4 used the word ASTONISHMENT in a sentence correctly. I was astonished! :)

I asked her what it means. She responded, "with great surprise!" Now, don't worry she's not one of those pretentious 4 year olds who talks like shes 40 and from the upper east side. But she just has one HELL of a vocabulary.

Oh and re: baby...she states, "Oh, I hope the baby is cute and not a boy!"

Ella on Cookie Thievery: Mama Took My Cookie

Ok, so I have relayed this story to friends about 100 times, but I wanted to get it down before I forget about it. The older I get the less I remember.

So about November of 2004, we plan a weekend at Gram's cottage. To attend the number something annual Urbanna Oyster Festival. I grew up in this tiny town, so the annual pilgrimage to loads of fried foods, mediocre art, lots of boats, some ok music and loads of drunken people is close to my heart. I won't lie, I actually love it. I believe the girl has been to every one since her birth.

The Oyster Fest is always the first weekend of November. So we pack up and are set to go. Now, knowing our darling is going to be going first by Gram's work and meeting Gram's boss etc, we (I) dress her ever so cutely. I remember vividly. A lovely little off-white cable knit cardigan with a silk tie in the front.

Being silly, I left my husband in charge of getting the girl into the car while I got a few more things from upstairs (because really it takes a ton of stuff to travel with a little one).

I return downstairs to the garage to see him loading her in the car. Me: "What is that in her hand?" Him: "A cookie." Me: "Why does she have a cookie?" Him: "Because she wanted one." Me: (knowing that she at this point in life did not like chocolate chips and these were the cookies we'd baked the night before that she continually somehow ate around the chocolate chip and then spewed the melted, slobbery chip out of her mouth saw a problem).

So, I contemplate...then I decide I MUST wrentch the cookie from her hand. She's just holding it at this point not actually eating it. So I say "Give mama the cookie" Her: (Having few words but one in particular she knew well) "NO."

Me: "Please give mama the cookie." Her: "NO, my cookie!" So I (being the kind of benevolent dictator I am) take the cookie. SHE WAILS. From the garage all the way to the top of the driveway.

Here's an aside parenting lesson for you all: If you are consistent and don't cave your children will not wail for long. If you are inconsistent and cave often, they will scream bloody murder until you give in because they know EVENTUALLY you will give in. Hubby and I are a united front on this - no means no, yes means yes, maybe means maybe. We do not CAVE.

SO ... she wails. From the garage to the top of our driveway. Pulls herself together and happily watches her movie all the way to gram's work. Along the way she chats with me, tells me she loves me, tells me about her movie and so on.

We arrive, climb out of the car, and make our way to gram's office. After 3 hours in the car we all need a good stretch. The girl is still chatting with me. Happy as a lark. Then. She spots Gram. She turns and looks at me with a "now you are gonna pay look" and looks at her gramma, makes her way over to gram, climbs on her lap and says, "MAMA TOOK MY COOOOOOKIE" with a frown.

Gram: "What? Mama took your cookie?"
Her: "MAMA TOOK MY COOKIE!" with a look on her face as if she's saying Mama beat me with a stick and sent me to bed with out dinner.
Gram: "Oh honey, Gramma will get you another cookie"

It amazes me that for 3 HOURS a 2 year old held that kind of a grudge!

May 8, 2006: Ella on Motherhood

As we were loading up to go to school, she says to me "mama, you are my best mama EVER!" So what I am her only mom, she meant it as the highest of compliments.

New word of the week - Deflated. Learned in reference to the balloons dying a slow death around the house!

April 3, 2006: Ella on The Old Man is Snoring

On the way to daycare drop off this morning its raining for the first time since February I think! So my girl in the back seat starts to sing.

"It's raining, it's pouring, the old Man is snoring" pause pause.
Then, "Mama, who's that?"
Me: "Who?"
Her: "The old man?"
Me: "I am not sure honey."
Her: "Mama, I think the old man is daddy!"

I laugh everytime I think of how astute my little almost 4 year old is.